With Easter just around the corner I felt I needed to share some reflections on this year and these upcoming couple weeks. I want to start off by saying I am in no way a theologian so if I got anything wrong here I do apologize I’m just speaking from the heart. I also wanted to proclaim that I would not be writing this if it weren’t for my wonderful wife who made me go to church.
These last 2 years have been indescribable. I started going to GRACE only because my wife made me. In order to support her and work on our marriage I had to do something to “keep my interest” so as a musician I got involved in the worship team. I’ve been in worship teams before one being named “Rent In Twain” or “ripped in half” but I was always stagnant in my faith if not moving away from it. I’ve always been the doubting Thomas (which won’t change anytime soon). In my life I have seen enough physical, eyes have seen ears have heard, hold in my hand evidence God “doesn’t exist”. From horrendous scenes in the Middle East to my childhood filled with deceit, immorality, lies, false Idols, and blasphemous teachings and practices by not only leaders in my church but leaders of “The Church”.
The life I thought I knew, my “family” torn apart, RENT IN TWAIN, by divorce and death, was nothing more than an insignificant microcosm of time that wouldn’t even notice if I was gone, and thus began my journey into darkness for almost 20 years, playing this push pull relationship with my faith. Faith saved my life, multiple times, but after 20 years of pain and suffering GRACE saved my soul.
The reason I share this is because I am only one of millions of people who have lived an entire life of suffering. There are more people like me out there. Some aren’t as blessed as I was to have been brought up in a home with the Bible, I at least had that foundation, but some are just like me and their entire life has proven everything they ever believed wrong, (the classic “God wouldn’t let this happen to me or someone else therefore God doesn’t exist” logic.) This is something that still is my biggest struggle, but none of that matters with GRACE. This was the first time in my life I have heard a church say “come as you are, no perfect people allowed”.
The things I have seen and the things I have done cannot be unseen or undone, and to be accepted and loved by God is incredible, but to feel safe, accepted, and loved by people who don’t know me or my story, is so powerful because I wouldn’t have a relationship with Jesus if it wasn’t for GRACE. But this isn’t about me, especially this Easter, It’s about that ONE persons life we can save, and hopefully in the process their soul.
Someone is going to walk through those doors Easter weekend at the end of their literal rope. Someone is going to be months, weeks, days away from saying “it ain’t worth it, all this pain all this suffering, for what? There is no God, everything I ever knew was a lie”. Someone is going to walk through those doors with their heart RENT IN TWAIN, torn in half, shattered, over God knows what and feel so incredibly lost and broken that this Easter weekend is their “last time going to church unless something changes”. This Easter weekend someone is going to walk through that door who has no idea what a Bible is, feeling empty in life and hearing the good news and how fulfilling it sounds and feels. Someone is going to walk through that door this Easter weekend and be forever changed. By you. I know, because I was that someone.
If there was one constant in my life I have learned it is sometimes you need to be RENT IN TWAIN and be built back up. My Grandfather taught me that, the military taught me that, my faith taught me that. There are countless stories in the Bible with that same theme, from the great flood and rebuilding all of humanity, the tax collector having to give up all his worldly possessions to follow Christ, and Jesus literally being ripped apart, to rebuild you and me. When Jesus died on that cross the earth trembled and the curtain was RENT IN TWAIN. My life, my earth, my faith for 20 years has been trembling and torn apart, until GRACE. How powerful it is to be torn down and rebuilt anew. When someone’s life has been torn apart, how powerful would it be to help them rebuild it.
God has been there for me when people haven’t, and that’s one of the hardest things we as humans can go through, that can test our faith but I’ve finally found a home where I have faith in people again. GRACE is so powerful. I am still in the process of being torn down, every week I feel another few bricks knocked out of my walls. GRACE has been the place where I can discover who I am and who God wants me to be. Its because of GRACE that I’m still alive not only physically but also spiritually. I know what can be done with this team these next couple weeks leading up to Easter. Feel excited, feel happy, but most importantly feel empowered. We have the ability to change someone’s LIFE. The sheer magnitude of that is incredible.